SO MAYBE THERE'S HOLIDAY HOPE AFTERALL!!!

Okay, so Thanksgiving is behind us now but here comes Christmas then New Years, followed closely by Valentine ’s Day…UGH!!!

Since I was a young cub (I was never little LOL!) the Holidays have been tough. Thanksgiving was always kinda neat as it was one of the few days when dad really played the role of “father” very well. NOW HOLD ON! Don’t get me wrong!!! Loved dad & miss him lots still but he was a grumpy bear 99% of the time as he worked 2 jobs, 12-16 hours a day M-F & 4-8 hours a day on weekends, so rightfully so. Mom had open heart surgery in 1970 when it was still smoke & mirrors & couldn’t work for over a year & never really regained her full strength or endurance even though she re-entered the full time work force, working the very day before she passed away in 1984 but we’ll get to that later.

Before I came along dad had an independent TV repair business of his own & worked at a local theater chain as a projectionist nights & weekends. Once I came along he & mom decided they needed a more stable income & insurance so dad took a dayshift factory job & gave up his dream. Once color TVs came on the scene dad HAD to have one! It was like a 13” & it sat on top of our old console B&W but dad would ONLY allow it to be turned on Sunday evenings for Disney & Thanksgiving morning for the parades for like 3 years, weird I know! I guess he was afraid it’d run out of color or something LOL! Anyhow, in spite of always working the night before, he was always the one getting everybody up to gather round the TV & watch the parades as the scent of the turkey (usually burning) wafted through the house. Mom wasn’t really a cook but could burn NEARLY anything you could get near a stove! Wonder if that’s why I LOVE smoked / grilled meats today LOL?!?!? So, T’day carries fun memories I can deal with although mom’s dad ALWAYS came to visit for T’day lunch & for whatever reason(s) whenever he & dad were in the same room it was ALWAYS tense so those memories come along for the ride too.

Now we move onto Christmas. Dad’s dad raised evergreens & Christmas trees as part of his landscaping business so as a kid we ALWAYS had live trees that the Grizwald Grizzlies hand chose, cut down, drug home etc etc. Dad just HATED those plastic trees! Dad also had quite a collection of the old fashioned glass vial bubble lights which were too heavy for fake trees so another reason he resisted. G’pa had passed 10 years before I came along BUT G’ma always had us come get her a tree & us a tree from G’pas acres until she sold the place mid 70s. Since my b’day is less than a month after Christmas, I was always one of those kids that got the “combo gifts” but usually dad would make me wait until my b’day to play with’em. I could open’em at Christmas but then, to have something for my b’day, I’d be tortured for nearly a month waiting LOL! One year I got my first ever multi speed bicycle Christmas morning but then wasn’t allowed to take it out of the house until the snow was gone, which growing up in north central Indiana was nearly 3 months so it sat shiny & new in the living room awaiting spring GRRR LOL!

Now let’s take a QUICK pass through Valentine’s Day. I was one of those clumsy pudgy geeky uncool elementary school aged kids with like 2 friends total so every year I HATED Valentine’s Day!!! Why did I want to spend all evening making up &/or even simply labeling mushy cards for dumb girls that didn’t like me anyhow?!?!? NOW, fast forward to early high school! Jill, the gal I’d had a crush on for months, a cute & smart, fellow bicycle tourer, had made it clear that she wanted to be “just friends” back in October but just days before V’day we had a blizzard forecasted bad enough that they actually called school off the night before so a friend of hers threw a small evening dance party at their midtown house that we all attended. I was minding my own business; solo of course, when her BFF approached me, asking why I didn’t ask Jill to dance. Of course the “friends” conversation was seared into my frontal lobe so I just said that I was sure she didn’t want to dance with me & her friend said OH YES SHE DOES!!! & things blossomed nicely from there SOOO for a few years I LOVED V’day, until 1984. All winter 1983 mom had been battling something like the flu that her doc just couldn’t figure out but V’day eve night, while I was off at school in Chicago, she suddenly turned much worse & passed away V’day morning from heart failure before I could even get back home so of course I haven’t cared for V’day much since & for any of you who’ve followed along this year know, V’day weekend 2011 was nearly as devastating to me so obviously I’ll be glad to clear the entire Holiday season BUT at least there’s some new hope taking the scene!!!

For the past couple months there had been an occasional commenter on my bodybuilding.com bodyblog who I’ve also recently made FB friends with. While getting to know her history a bit, reading back over a few years of her amazingly well written personal blogs, I’d also noticed a pal of hers who was prolly the most common commenter on them that I’ve also befriended. Now, while getting to know these 2 a lil more it has become amazing to me just how much we share in common! We’ve certainly ALL faced life’s roller coaster but while we’ve shared the same ride, albeit in totally different parts of the country & with a lil different timing, our 3 experiences share many STUNNING similarities!

I’ve also found that they’re both MUCH like myself in that they too acquire their greatest happiness through bringing smiles & happiness to others so maybe I’m not SOOO totally screwed up after all LOL! I must admit though that I HAVE to wonder what really happens when codependent personalities depend on each other LMBO!!! Guess we’ll just all have to learn to take turns =) I distinctly remember a tender conversation about a year ago, explaining that bringing happiness to someone first, ahead of my own, was VERY important to me & her arguing that once in a while I had to take turns, letting her enjoy that experience too SOOO, it can be done LOL!

Maybe the Holidays don’t have to totally suck after all!!!

Guess we’ll just have to hide & watch!!!

Rock on pals! Your crazy (but maybe not SOOO crazy) Memphis pal, Griz

WHATs, WHYs & WHY NOTs!

Happy Monday pals! Hope you’re all set for turkey day in like 69 hours. Me? I’m thinking it’s gonna go 1 of 2 ways. I’m either gonna be thankful for a comfy bed & an excellent pillow & just freaking hibernate all day OR if I can wrangle a few ZZZs this week, the weatherman is promising Thursday to be the nicest day of the week so I may just venture out where the buffalo roam for some hiking trail therapy!

For those who’ve been following along, you may be wondering what’s the deal with the ZZZs??? We had that problem licked a month or 2 ago. Well, the day job has had me traveling some lately which has unfortunately resurrected a serious case of demons of the past from my former life. Back when I worked for a German machine tool builder I was on the road across all of north America & much of western Europe, 70%-80% of the time from 04-07 & during that time there were MANY days that I’d be functioning on 2-3 hours sleep due to installing technology at 1 customer during the days while programming processes nights for others, often several time zones away. So, given that lifestyle, it didn’t take me long to find the edge of sanity but during that time I also met on online acquaintance that made me laugh & shared a lot of great times with me, keeping me sane by giving me something in life to cherish & look forward to other than a bazillion random 0s & 1s. That acquaintance eventually came to acquire the nickname Sugar Bear so these recent travels, visiting machine shops around the region, evaluating processes & staying in random hotels, has released the dogs of personal swirl warfare & has uncaged my demons of the past I thought I had nearly / recently conquered. Been running on 2-3 hours sleep per night for the past few weeks again & it’s finally catching up with me. Had plans of hitting it long & hard at the side job this weekend but at only 9 hours in on Saturday, at the end of a run, I had the choice to either setup the next job or punch out & call it a day. Just considering the decision was an actual effort & when I realized I was actually so dang tired that it was a mental & physical effort just to breathe I decided to call it done. Knocked out a decent LBWO & another 8 hours at work Sunday & when I headed for the rack Sunday night I fell back into the summertime’s habit out of necessity, downing a couple Excedrin PMs, a couple Benadryl & a fist full of melatonin for good measure. Actually got 6 straight hours of sleep last night & knocked out a pretty good UBWO this AM so things are leveling back off.

So what’s all this got to do with WHATs, WHYs & WHY NOTS? Those of you who’ve followed along may recall my soul was completely twisted up, from Valentine’s weekend on, for months trying to figure out WHAT I did, or didn’t do, that blew things up that weekend until I had a seriously painful realization in July that there was a deeper issue in the WHY I couldn’t find out WHAT the problem was & somehow that painful awakening actually brought a bizarre form of semi-closure, realizing that if why I needed to know what had gone wrong apparently wasn’t important…the what itself really no longer mattered. Well, given these past few days, battling for a foothold on insomnia island, I’ve finally come to another conclusion, along with input from a few near & dear pals. What I HAVE TO focus on in order to move forward is neither the what or the why but strictly the WHY NOT! Why not allow myself to live a life worth waking up to? Why not figure out how to move on & not allow the ache in my soul to dominate my every waking moment. Why not allow myself to find a path back to happiness, which according to one awesome pal is strictly an internal journey but that’s an entire discussion all its own. So, WHY NOT?!?!?

Work hard, train hard, play hard & love deeply pals. NOTHING short of a 4.0 is any longer acceptable.

ALWAYS Admit When You’re Wrong AND…

Short & sweet…short at least for The Griz…

Worked at the side job a full long evening last night, all the while fighting my locked up stiff & sore lumbar. Had about an 8 minute cycle time so kept chatting with pals via iPhone web, being given all sorts of suggestions to help the spine so when I got home, to a carpeted floor rather than shop floor concrete, I tried out some of the yoga stretches a few of y’all had been raving about & ya know what?!?!? It honestly HELPED!!!

One thing my dad ALWAYS stressed was, to be a man, you HAVE to admit when you’re wrong but I’ve ALWAYS tried to take it a step further & point out when others are right too!

I awoke today at 3AM, after a 4 hour nap & the pain was nearly gone! I was still stiff as a board but I can work with that! Got rid of yesterday’s last quart of water & climbed back in bed deciding to try LK's yoga knee hugs again stretching out the spine more for good measure as I drifted back off to sleep, kind of like an industrial fetal position come to think of it, which lately is fairly appropriate anyhow LOL!

When the alarm went off a couple hours later I was able to sit up & get up without any problem! Still pretty stiff though so I opted for home cardio so I could take a good long hot shower where the hot water could actually spray on my lumbar rather than like Helga’s gym shower where the water just runs down off my shoulders.

Pedaled off 240 cardio calories on the “random hills” program of my old faithful home Precor upright bike that’s been kinda growing hair for the past year then showered & felt half decent again!

Thanks to all of you who chimed in with advice! It’s amazing just how much wind pain can take outta of your sails, especially when the waves are already breaking over the deck daily anyhow!

Gonna be a REALLY long weekend at the side job. We received a 750 piece titanium order, which is HUGE for us since we mostly make custom &/or prototype surgical instruments & patient matched implants but one of our prototypes was REALLY well received by the surgeons testing it so AWAY we go!

Planning to schneak in an UBWO tomorrow morning before hitting it at the shop then we’ll have to see what Sunday brings. I’ll probably try to slip in a brief LBWO during the Elvis hour then get back after that tasty titanium bar for some more gainful distraction!

Rock on pals!!!

As the world turns...the lumbar burns

So, I mentioned having a locked up lumbar yesterday morning which eased up during yesterday’s growling LBWO.

As the day wore on it returned with a vengeance & by the time I wrapped it up at the side job last night & made it back to the Grizzly den it was NOT happy. I decided core & cardio that was on deck at Helga’s for this AM was gonna become cardio only on the home Precor bike & crashed.

Took a couple Advil PM then a couple Excedrin Back & Body but by 2AM things weren’t getting any better so I reset the alarm, giving up on the home cardio even, deeming today an unplanned rest day GRRR!

Being a creature of habit but trying to find a solution I then forced myself to crash on my "off side" which I dislike BUT that seemed to ease things up a bit & after a 3 hour nap I awoke & was at least able to get vertical WHILE breathing!

Still MIGHTY sore & stiff today, going through my typical meeting marathon Thursday, but the good news is that my latest meeting for the day, with my boss, his boss & all their cronies, got rescheduled to early next week so at least I caught a break there!

Tomorrow has UBWO on deck @ Helga's again so I’m really hoping this mess straightens out as I REALLY don’t want to miss that iron grindfest GRRR!!!

I’ve had a lumbar nerve that occasionally gets pinched since I was a teenager but the miserable thing is that the older I get the more easily it gets aggravated & the harder it is to get straightened out. Getting old just sucks!!! Might have as much or more to do with the mid drift surplus as it does with age but either way it’s a real pain in the…backside!

My twice weekly core work has really been loading the lower back extension station lately, 1 plate short of max’ing it out, whereas due to the issues I’ve had with the repair & reinjury of an umbilical hernia from Y2K, I’ve been running 3/4ths that load on crunches but have been doing 4/3rds the reps to keep the work even.

I’m now beginning to rethink that logic! Maybe age does bring a LITTLE wisdom but I’m thinking it still requires pain to sink in!!!

Rock on pals!

So growling causes me grief AGAIN!

Growling strikes again!

Okay, so today being hump day in the current lineup means it’s also leg day, always my favorite workout due to the sheer volume of iron tonnage per minute that gets destroyed! Awoke after about 5 half decent hours of sleep & could hardly get up! Must’ve slept twisted up or something as my lower back was one giant raging knotted spasm!!! Finally got vertical & began to motivate through the morning ritual, adding a fistful of Excedrin Back & Body to the lean protein, multi vitamin & SubTest injestion.

Got to Helga’s & it was packed again, today with a posse of sistas I’ve never seen before following a new independent 5’ MAYBE toothpick trainer through the stations along with many other new folks, plus the usual crowd. Grumbling to myself about the crowd & my still throbbing lumbar I arranged my locker, lit up the iPod, grabbed the clipboard with today’s spreadsheet & headed out.

Clambered onto the 1 open upright bike, missing it’s pedal straps GRRR!, & proceeded to get the heart rate pumped up to 80% MHR while warming up the southern regions then headed for the lay down leg press sled where I start out. Luckily the posse was just moving away so I dialed in the shoulder pads, set the starting load at 600 & contorted my aching torso in. I always run 5 sets alternating ankle / calf press / stretches then reposition for ATTG full stroke leg presses, wash, rinse repeat, 13 reps per set today. By the last set the pump was feeling good from the hips down, the sweat was already rolling, & the lower back was apparently absorbing the Excedrin as it was down to a dull throb!

While rising I noticed about half the posse looking over towards me & just figured they were amused by my clumsy dismount technique not really thinking about the usual growls the last set or 2 generated. Of course they were all huddled up around the leg curl station where I usually go next & toothpick was demonstrating with like 60 LBs in motion so I ambled over to the abductor / adductor rigs waiting for a couple ROTC gals who have been recent regulars to finish up then did my 150 LB sets there 13x14x13 each, again noticing posse members looking at me as we passed each other, trading stations.

While cranking 150 LB seated leg curls 13x14x13 I was really beginning to burn the hamstrings and the last 13 were a real growlfest so as I was dismounting toothpick finally approached me jaws running 90MPH with a nasty attitude raging in her eyes! I popped an earbud glaring down at her standing about nipple tall & asked if I could help her?!? With her hands on her hips she exclaimed (in her best squeaky voice) that she was trying to teach these women about getting in shape & my “excessive grunting” was rude & distracting! I told her I was sorry that my workouts actually focused on building muscle rather than just toning but that I didn’t think I was being any more rude than 6 people traipsing from station to station tying them up, socializing as they each took turns half heartedly going through the motions! You could’ve heard a pin drop for a second then about 4 of the usual AM crowd began laughing their tails off & toothpick spun an abrupt about face & led the posse over to the dumbbell rack area where they spent the rest of the time doing mat work. Whatever!

So I proceeded over to the standing glute back kick station & knocked out 2x13ea L&R @ 150 LBs and there’s this 50ish year old, anorexic, 5’6” blond, 1950s librarian lady, honest to goodness horn rimmed glasses & all, working the abductor / adductor stations immediately in front of the glute station. As I’m heading back towards the bikes to unwind before grinding out my last set of stations she’s changing stations & tugs my shirt sleeve as I pass. Thinking “OMG, NOT AGAIN!” I stop, turn, pop an earbud, & seeing her smiling I ask nicely “Yes?” She giggles & says she agrees with me about toothpick & her posse, blushing like a little school girl. I just smiled back & told her I just hope toothpick isn’t the owner’s daughter! She just giggled and walked off.

A couple hours into flying the desk now the lumbar is stoving up again so I’m thinking a walk around the building at lunch may just be in order, after I get out of this next meeting that is GRRR!!!

Some days you just gotta roll with the flow I guess! I’m just glad I didn’t end today’s workout with toothpick’s attitude LOL!

On the personal swirl side ... well ... now that I've pretty much extracted my head from my nether regions I've just gotta keep working on that cranial enema I've been in need of for months. Pretty much all the cards are on the table, the smoke has cleared & the dust is settling. Now to see if I can get my head screwed back on straight without causing any further collateral damage since that is what I've been trying to do all along, albeit not so successfully. Just need to get my heart & head back in line without causing any further grief.

Rock on pals!!! Your crazy Memphis pal, Griz

After 96,800 LBs of LBWO ground & growled away!!!

The ONLY constant in life is change...

So, yesterday was tough all around & even more so than expected for several. I’ve been facing some difficult personal struggles these past weeks / months & shared some of the deepest soul rendering details with one close & dear yesterday but not until after she broke some terribly worrisome work related news of her own that made my timing totally suck & made me feel even worse than I could’ve possibly expected about the entire situation.

There’s never a good time to share the raw edges of your soul when they can have a negative impact on others dear to you, but the cosmos & Murphy just seem to be on point these days; aligning troubles to multiply their effect on folks. As any of you who’ve followed these rambling adventures of the Griz know, bringing angst, hurt, or even simple aggravation to anyone dear just tears me up & it seems the older I get the more so that effect impacts my soul.

Because of this, combined with my upbringing, I try to be the best friend / person I can be, bringing others what happiness I can while trying my best not to cause anyone dear to me any type of hurt. Trouble is; life just doesn’t cooperate well sometimes & yesterday was certainly one of those days. I know many of my friends have expressed that I need to learn to focus on bringing myself happiness, at least now & then, but I acquire my greatest happiness through that of dear ones so these two factors are intimately intertwined for me, like it or not.

This week & beyond is undoubtedly going to mark a rough stretch & a period of tremendous adjustment that I honestly have no frigging idea how to surmount just yet but like any journey, it has to begin with the first step & can only be completed by not giving up.

All of that being said, this morning marked the first workout in Helga’s NEW House of Pain (AKA ATC Fitness)! The only constant is change, that’s for SURE!!!

Mixed feelings abound! Everything there is nice, clean & functional BUT there isn’t a single clock in the place, the stations are much closer together than before & are organized in some bizarre total body circuit sort of fashion, each is situated so that nearly every resistance station is directly facing the occupant of another & the locker room merits a paragraph all of its own!

There are 2 brand new Concept II cardio rowing trainers still in their boxes & several large flat screen TVs setting around the joint still in their boxes as well so it’s going to be even nicer soon but I spent this morning searching for stations & wishing I’d worn my pedometer! Once I finished yesterday’s missed UBWO I actually (quickly) sketched the place out on the back of my spreadsheet, noting each station I care about, so I can attempt to revamp my sessions in an efficient, productive, time effective, order.

Nearly all the equipment came across from Helga’s old place so not much new to try, add, or learn. Miss Snooty even had her spandex in a bunch scowling as she hunted stations & being miffed staring folks in the face as she worked out rather than teasing the old geezers with her butt as she went along LOL.

ATC advertises “Around The City, Around The Clock” having SEVERAL 24 hour locations around the Memphis metro area & for an extra $5 per month you can utilize any of’em anytime & also get free tanning. Since I’m quite fair skinned & none of the other locations are AT ALL handy for me I stick to the cheapy $15 per month for my location with no tanning but lots of folks opt for the premium route. Well, this being the latest, supposedly greatest, location there were LOTS of new folks there this morning who claimed to have been going to the next nearest / newest one so hopefully the new location will be good for their business!

Now about the locker room…apparently the locker arrangement itself was developed by some anal retentive industrial engineer / bean counter as they are the 6’ tall but double stacked variety to maximize the possible number of lockers per square foot of wall space but these short little lockers do not even allow a decent shirt to hang without piling up in the bottom BUT the showers must’ve been designed by some psuedo masochist NBA player as the shower heads are AT LEAST 7 feet above the shower floors & can not adjust to spray below the chest line / shoulder blades of this 6’2” bruin! They do however have AMAZING water pressure blasting out of nearly 100 surgical needle jet nozzles to remove ANY sweat or oil that could possibly be on ANY surface you can direct them towards. I can only assume this is why you absolutely can not aim them anywhere near the tender nether regions but something tells me the ladies aren’t going to be extremely happy much below the collar bones unless their into some serious frontal pain!!! There’s a cool lil Asian gentleman / AM regular who’s timing & mine generally run pretty close & that poor fellow said he could barely reach the shower head to even attempt adjusting it let alone get into its flow!

The only constant in life is change so I guess, as stubborn & impatient as I am, I just need to suck it up & get better at dealing with it!

Rock on pals.

Sincerely, your crazy Memphis pal Griz