Been WAY TOOO Long!

Well, I've missed y’all! Last week I kept up with those of you pulling double duty here & on FB via the iPhone but given last week’s travel around the old home stomping grounds of Chicago & northern Indiana just had Griz chasing his tail 18-20 hours a day between work & catching up with old pals.

I did manage a 6 mile hike on the hometown’s elevated wetlands greenway one chilly evening so all wasn’t a total fitness loss LOL! Being both around suppliers & old cronies all week, the diet did suffer some (God! I love White Castle!!!) but I made a conscious effort to at least keep the carbs & total cals out of the stratosphere!

Had all full intentions of hitting Helga’s for an UBWO this AM after the week off but between a LOUSY night of tossing & turning followed by awakening to a yet again ticked off lumbar, I opted for another round of KickBoxerChick’s back care yoga DVD & some home Precor hill riding to at least put the main pump back online for about 30 mins.

For once the sleep issues seemed less emotional & more just physical for once. Just didn’t matter how I twisted, stretched, contorted, there just wasn’t a comfy way to be, anywhere. Finally zonked somewhere around 2-3AM so when the Helga call went off it just wasn’t happening once I realized I couldn’t hardly even get vertical thanks to a once again pissy lumbar. Man getting old sux SOOO bad!

Courtesy of construction traffic in southern IN Saturday then a horrid big rig cliff crash crossing KY, what’s normally about 10.5 hours turned into like 13 then had to hit it at the side job all day yesterday so diving back into all day concrete standing after just a short nap following Saturday’s Interstate marathon might just have had everything all jammed up this AM & still not moving too well this afternoon so I’m thinking another round of back care stretching may be required come bedtime tonight.

As expected all that travel & hotel time, not to mention being ”back home” for the week, dredged up a ton of old emotions & relit the personal swirl fires a bit but, good or bad depending on how you look at it, apparently my soul has become calloused enough that I’ve pretty much found the “who cares anymore” plateau so although 1,724 miles on the road was accompanied by a lot of sad thoughts & TONS of once awesome but now painful memories, the edge on that blade has been ridden dull so it’s now just become a dull burning ache in my soul & keeping up with a few good pals via texts & FB helped pass the time nicely so now it’s just a matter of surviving the holidays with some level of sanity intact & trying to begin re-ascending the mountain but NOT allowing myself to get derailed halfway to the summit this time.

Many have tried to tell me I’ll never be happy in relationships, or life, until I learn to be happy with myself so somehow here around life’s midpoint I guess learning to be an entirely different person is what it’s going to take to get past this train wreck & although I despise the very prospect of rewiring who I am, my very being, remaining miserable, fat & numb seems a slightly worse option so, here we go! Ought to write a book about this; Midlife for Dummies seems to fit but somehow dummies just doesn’t seem anywhere nearly a strong enough term LOL!

Rock on pals!

Griz